Nearly a quarter of the American adult population provide long hours of voluntary care for an older or sick family member and friends, The Aggregator - edited by Nikki Waller in the The Wall Street Journal Sunday.

How many of you have cared for your aging relatives, either getting paid or not? My family, mostly 2 sisters, cared for our parents. As a family unit we paid one sister $10 hour plus gas, and the other one lived in my parent’s home “rent free” for a couple of years. It seemed fair to the family at the time.

My friend’s family hired an older grandchild to help care for her elderly father, age 98. He just passed last month at the age of 101. The grandchild received a monthly stipend. I never asked her how much that was but it sounded like he was well compensated.

Another interesting story that you might want to read.. Mom and her teens care for dad with early onset Alzheimer’s - it seems as we get older.. our parents will need our help more and more.

What is your story? How is your family compensating the primary family caregiver for the care he/she gives to aging mom and dad?

I’ve been asked by several caregivers if the government like Medicaid is currently paying family members to help elderly parents. They believe by keeping the parents out of a nursing home helps tax payers save money. That’s a good point.

But most families are taking up that burden.

Read the full story on Getting Paid to Care for Mom and Dad

Most families who care for an elderly loved one admit that the best thing about helping an aging loved one is providing the best care they possibly can. Others say what keeps them going is a sense of accomplishment, while staying connected and becoming closer is what motivates them.

When I helped my aging parents, it was the latter. My relationship with mom (especially) became close. It was my pleasure to be with her; helping her cook, clean house, run errands, drive her to the doctor, etc. My Dad, on the other hand, like working outdoors; in the yard, on the house (fixing it up), and on the car. I can’t say I liked any of those tasks.

When families are interviewed and asked what they like least, most say “finding no time for themselves”.  When asked if they believe they live to close to aging relatives, they admitted “yes, and rated stress as a 5 on a scale of 5″.

There is a study that you might want to read: Penn State Intergenerational Programs,  offer these tips:

Get the whole family to participate.
Avoid conflict by working to ensure upfront that family members see eye-to-eye about roles. (My family flunked this one.)
Ask for help.
Make family unity key.
Find threads of common interest.
Keep lines of communication open.
Distinguish between private space and shared space.

It’s a good study to read. My family needed it.

Image: yeohwilliam.blogspot.com

This is tough. Just got an email from a friend who is concerned about her parents; dad is 90 and mom is 84, living at home alone and still independent. Her dad is starting to show signs of dementia and sun downers. He has disturbed sleep patterns and wanders throughout the house during the nighttime.

My friend tells me her dad insists that this is not his home and wants to get dressed to leave to go back home.. I suspect he is thinking back of his childhood home. His wife, my friend’s mother, at age 84 is alone dealing with him during all times of the night, trying to convince him that he is home.

What should my friend’s family do? Should her dad be moved to a nursing home facility? I doubt an assisted living community could offer much one on one help. Or should dad stay home with a hired caregiver?

I suggested that he see a dementia specialist/physician. Get tested. Get results. And hopefully, get a plan. I’m not a doctor but I do know neither her mom or dad are safe.

What do you think?

Thank you for commenting,

Carol

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